I have a problem that I need help with. I need to break up with That Damn Cheesecake.
For my birthday the other week, my office had a party and got me a red velvet cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. And gave me the leftovers to take home.
I meant for our relationship to be short-lived. One piece and done. But wouldn’t you know it, That Damn Cheesecake seduced me! He uncovered my weakness and preyed on it. I could have given him away or thrown him out, but birthday cake is meant to be eaten by the birthday girl, he whispered to me.
It’s like a relationship gone wrong that you can’t bring yourself to end. Not that I know what that’s like—I’m still with my high school sweetheart. Aw.
So why can’t I stop eating those not-so-little slices from hell? That Damn Cheesecake is out to get me. He stole my heart and my willpower. And my weight loss goals.
“Just throw him away Tanya!” “Be strong!” “What about that six pack you long for?” “I thought you ate healthy!” All reasonable thoughts are falling on deaf ears. Skinny doesn’t taste as good as That Damn Cheesecake.
He taunts me, calls my name. Last night I got up at 2 a.m. to let the dogs out (you’re welcome for that earworm), and half asleep I walked over to That Damn Cheesecake and took one bite. And then another. Not thinking, just doing. A girl living on the edge.
So when you don’t see me sporting a cute little bathing suit this summer, you have That Damn Cheesecake to thank. And when I complain, feel free to remind me of my choice.